Hoping there will be another day ... (or a lil more courage)

The existence of this post is to apologise to Ida and Nuyul for my inability to make our lil vacation come true this year. I know I have been telling Ida countless of times for the past few years that I will join her the next time. Next time becomes next year. Next year seems to take forever it seems. Given my rather difficult career life, or the lack of it, I find it rather selfish of me to indulge in a vacation (though I really do want and need one) when I can use my limited savings for something else.

Not to mention that I have a super dependent mother and sister. I am practically at their beck and call. For the record, I am NOT despising it. My dad once told me to travel far and not be emotionally attach to home. Easy for him to say. He has been doing that for the past 28 years. I do love and respect my dad a lot even though he is home only once every two or three months. My brother is doing that now. He is travelling and working ... and having a great time. I am left at home to be responsible for my mum and sis. I am not being sourgrapes. Of course I do wonder and wish for more (who doesn't?!). I do wish I could be a lil more self-centred at times. To think about myself first before others. To just abandon everything and everyone and just follow what my heart desires, but I can't. I will always think of the repercussions to the extent that someone close to me once said, "You always think negatively. For once, believe in yourself and believe that you are good enough. Be a little bit more shrewd cos everyone else is." I don't believe in hurting anyone's feelings. I have never, to my best knowledge, said hurtful remarks to others intentionally. It is just not me and I am not being self righteous here.

So Ida dear, Jinjer is not the main reason for me to be bounded at home (So please don't hate him and I know you are joking when you used the word hate ..hehehe). I can easily send him to a Cat Hotel for a couple of days and I know he will be well taken care of. I am worried that my finances will be really tight if I should indulge myself. I do NOT believe in making you pay for the vacation first. I know you have the best of intentions but I am not comfy with the idea. I know that what I am gonna type next is cliche but it is true - When I do get a good and stable job, give my mum her monthly money (more than the measly amount that I am giving her now), bring my sis to places and concerts (that she have begged me to bring her to for a long time) and make sure that my household and cat are well taken care of - Then, I will be ready. Ready to go on a guilt free vacation and I know only then, I can truly say that I am enjoying myself.

So please go ahead and enjoy your holidays cos you gals have worked so hard throughout the year and you gals truly deserved them. Ida, I hope you have a great time in KL with your sec school gal friends. :) Nuyul, you deserve a break as well and I hope you are able to get them. Wish you all the best at your new workplace. No one can replace your ex-colleagues but I am sure you will make many new ones who will be just as great :). EmNaz, I think you need another vacation. LOL.

Till here. Stay Happy =).